I don't usually arrange sex via text message
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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