I CAN MOONWALK!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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