I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
All the doctor said was why
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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