oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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