he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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