I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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