The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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