Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
