I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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