I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator