Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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