I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Life is so much better after having sex.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
