my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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