my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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