Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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