My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
