im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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