she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
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I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I am one with the molecules
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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