I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
