I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
