i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
