I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
