I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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