there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
