After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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