he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
