OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
