There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
