The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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