What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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