I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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