I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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