I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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