A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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