it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
