I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
