It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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