I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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