Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Dignity is for republicans.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
