I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
