My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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