Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
