I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
