im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
