I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
