just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
