Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
