sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
