@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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