i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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