did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
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