I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
are you so shy because you have an std?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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