I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
