It's like God shit irony all over that family
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
