My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
