Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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