Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
