I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm both gender and math confused
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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