I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
