I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
