Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
