The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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