drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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