New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
