i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
