his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
