i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
